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Friday, 17 April 2009

One day at a time...

Right now I am taking life one day at a time and sometimes only one minute at a time. Life is so crazy and confusing but I just keep turning my eyes to Heaven. Where does my help come from, from the maker of Heaven and Earth. I really don't have strength to stand on my own two feet (physically and spiritually). My trip to Mexico was amazing but my body sure did take a beating. The day that we got back we jumped back into this crazy life we are leading. The children are doing well and seem to be settling into their temporary life with ease. It breaks my heart to know that this is not forever but I am trusting that His plans are bigger than mine. I am tired and broken down but my faith is strong. The Lord is good and I will cling to that with all that I have. Please remember us in your prayers. Our life changes so quickly and I find that I am having trouble finding solid ground, maybe that just comes with a house full of people or going from one child to four in a split second or knowing that I am pouring into children that are not mine and never will be. We are still healing from losing Jaina, the difference here is that we know this is only for a season, maybe a year or less. My arms have ached for so long to hold a child in them and now it seems that I don't have enough arms or ears or time or strength to go around. Lord multiply, multiply multiply......................

Sunday, 05 April 2009

I'm leaving on a jet plane.......

But I know when I'll be back again........... April 14th just in case you were wondering.
To say that I have had a long and interesting month would be a HUGE understatement. I can't really go into all the details but I am sure most of you know what I am talking about. For those of you that don't here is a quick update(while still respecting privacy). Our family welcomed three little ones into our home for an unknown amount of time. These children will be living with us and be part of our family, and we will raise them until God is ready for them to go back home to their parents. I have to say that I am incredibly excited to have three children under the age of five in the house. Although Gerardo and I are unable to have children of our own the Lord has been sending little ones( and even a few big ones) by the handful. In January Gerardo's younger brother moved in with us and two months ago eighteen year old Anna moved in with us too. Our house is quite full but I am loving every minute of it. I have to say that seeing little socks and toys all over the place is strange but something I am slowly getting use to. Marisssa is REALLY enjoying having some little ones to watch over too. She has been asking me to babysit for a while but we really haven't felt she is ready, I guess this is her opportunity to show us "what she's made of". Which I am sure all of you know is sugar and spice and everything nice .

As if our lives weren't busy enough tomorrow we are leaving for Mexico. Our long awaited trip that had to be postponed due to Gerardo's stroke in December. My husband is doing great by the way, the Lord has healed his body and he is getting stronger everyday! Amen. Our trip will be nine days long and I can't wait. I am really scared of flying though so that will be interesting. You'd think after all my travels I would feel safe but that is not the case. But I guess after today's church service I will just have to say I serve a sovereign God and He will do with me what He will.

Yesterday we dropped the children off( minus Rissa) at a faithful family in the Lord's house. I cried like a baby and when I saw them today at church it was hard for me to say goodbye again. I am trying not to get too attached to these children because I know they will be going back home at some point. I think the plan right now is for the children to be with us for a good amount of time though. Only God knows and for now that will have to be good enough.
On an ending note I am really excited to have Marissa on this trip to Mexico with us. Over the last year my daughter has grown into an amazing young woman in the Lord. She has a hunger and thirst for the Lord, and it helps to have other strong woman pouring into her( thank you Carina). I am blessed to have a daughter who prays for me and listens for the voice of the Lord. She wants to serve God and it shows in all that she does. I can't wait to see what her future holds and I wish I was as awesome as her. Please pray for our family for safe travels and that our hearts would be set on the goal that is Christ. He is our only prize and all that we do should be for Him, even if that means laying down our life for Him. Our lives are not our own and I want to honor Him in all that I do. I know that I can't please or make everyone happy. Many will be offended by who I am and the choices that I make but all that I do is for Him ALONE..... That I may always remember that, amen.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

A broken heart

My heart is broken tonight. I wonder how the Lord still loves His children after all we have done to Him. I am so thankful for a husband who shares the same heart I do. Sometimes it is painful to see people so boldly sin and not realize or care about what they have done. So many unborn children are being murdered for the sake of convinence and it makes me sick. Lord please come for your people soon. I wonder how much longer I can stay here on Earth sometimes. I am crying out for the God of ALL to take me home. I know the Lord has a plan for Gerardo and I to have children and I try to not get my hopes up every time we go through something where "this" could be our time but it is hard to not hope and pray and wish and dream and even ache for a precious baby to call our own. This was just not our time again, in His time only. I pray that I have the strenghth to wait in Him.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

They're back

I met with my doctor last week to go over the results of my MRI. The doctor could see the lump on the back of my neck and found two other ones that I didn't know about. He made it clear that it was not cancer but is unsure what to do with them now. He also said that I have something called chronic sinus disease, I have no idea what that means though. Anyway he put me on some meds to try and clear up whatever it is that is making my headaches turn into migraines. The meds worked for about three days but now the headaches are back worse than ever. I could really use some prayer for healing. This morning Marissa had to take care of herself, luckily she's eleven and knows how to take care of herself for a bit of time. She tried to make me breakfast and prayed for me, what a great daughter she is. I am headed back to the doctor in about a half hour to see what he thinks. I don't know how much longer I can go on with my head feeling like it does. The pain in my head is starting to effect my life enough that others are noticing. This weekend we are going to NYSUM in NYC and there is no way that I will be able to do anything if my head feels like this. I am trusting the Lord for healing and thankful that He uses doctors sometimes to heal us but this time it seems that even the doctor doesn't know. I will update later.

Monday, 02 February 2009

Bad mom day

Today I feel like I am facing all my short comings as a mom. I ask myself where did I go wrong, then I remind myself that my child forgetting to brush her teeth for the third day in a row doesn't make her a terrible child just a disobedient one. Like all the other children her age and every person that has ever lived except ONE, she is having to learn that you must obey or there is a punishment. I think I'm just having one of those bad mom days, you know the ones where you feel like your failing and you just can't do anything right. I will keep my eyes on the One who is stronger than I could ever be and the One who makes new everything I mess up and forgives all my sins. I will not listen to the voice of the enemy today, I will run this race of motherhood and love my child with a love only a mom can. I will correct and punish with love and forgiveness and try to teach along the way. I will let go of the areas that I can not work on today and wake up tomorrow ready for battle again. I am a mom and that's the best job of all.... Whoever said being a stay at home mom is easy NEVER walked a day in my shoes. So to all you moms who are on the battle field right now fighting for your children, be blessed today! Remember too that this is all worth it, the spankings and time outs will soon pass and the advice/lectures are all worth it too. Our time speaking into our children's lives are short but our efforts last a life time. All the honor and glory for Him today......